airportsong

There's a time to say goodbye

2006-12-31T17:19:00.000+08:00

LAST POST. =D
HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE!

Work is wearing me out; I'm down with a cold.
But it's the end of the year; it's also the beginning of a new year.
Let this be a good year.

It's feels like a conclusion of two years rather than one.
Two very fulfilling years, with the ups and the downs, the busy and the idle.

I know I've not being the ideal person I had in my mind, but I hope I've tried.
Sorry to all I've offended by my actions or inactions.
Thanks all for the memories.

Friends made, friends lost.
People known and forgotten.
Promises made and failed.

Life isn't perfect, neither am I.
My new year resolution is to stay happy ALWAYS and grow stronger mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
Bye guys! Have a fulfilling year ahead!

467th

2006-12-28T12:44:00.000+08:00

I am tired!
I've been helping out my parents at work recently.
And working hours is from 11pm to 7.30am
So if you sleep at 1, 2 am, and wake up at 9am, my day is anti-phase to yours.

No, I didn't care a damn about SPCA, or SPA, or NS.
All don't care already, let it be.
But I want to buy tee from pull n bear.
And cap. and vanilla essence.
And my shoes got faded after I scrubbed the front.
I feel like colouring it brown using pen! =D
Just a bit worried it might look ugly.
But then it'll be REAL FUN! =D

I heard that the 3 biggest events of 2006 are the General Elections, IMF, and IR projects, so I decided to comment here.

1. General Elections.
Basically I do feel that the general elections has no significant nor any impact to my personal life. I do not delight in discussing politics, and it's like dead, the political scene in Singapore. Rather, should the decision to increase CPF from 5% to 7% be even a more important news???
2% is like WTF!
Anyway, so General Election, in a nutshell, is NOMB(None Of My Business)!

2. IMF.
Three words: HERE I COME.

3. IR bid
I am fucking disappointed. That's right, I just swore.
It's okay; I'm closing down this blog soon anyway.
Genting enterprise got the bid. WTF!
I was looking forward to a semi spherical coral aquarium proposed by Eighth Wonder.
That is WAY cool.

Apparantly, Singapore is putting the casino in high regards despite what they're saying about it being just a small section of the IR.
It's going to be the bread-winner of the IR, trust me.
Fuck Genting.
ARGH.
Maybe it's cause I have a bad impression of Malaysia to begin with.

Let's see, I am collecting my spectacles on Friday.
Yes, I lost TWO of my previous pairs.
And I want to buy tee from Pull N Bear, and cap, and vanilla essence.
I went NTUC the other day, but there was no vanilla essences left on shelf. =(
Good thing is it's only for a dollar.

OKAY, I'm reaching my sleep time soon...

I need to start working on postcard!

yes

2006-12-25T02:56:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah, Merry Christmas.
=)

It's just that I just feel indifferent about it all of a sudden.
I wonder...

OKAY, great.
Now, I feel even worse. LOL.
Never mind, it's Christmas after all.

WELL, hmm...
I just don't know what's into me all the time.
I am rather confused,
so I rather not think!

HA! =D
That's right man!
Cast away all worries, it's Christmas!

OH... My Christmas wish is a hot and sexy blonde to make my Christmas right.
That's right. That will be REAL good. So where are you, blondie???
Since it's Christmas, I shall listen to "Last Christmas" by Wham!

Last Christmas - Wham!
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognise me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

(Happy Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I Love You" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again

CHORUS

(Oooh. Oooh Baby)

A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Oooh Oooh
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again

CHORUS

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
(Gave you my heart)
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Next year
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
special
someone
someone
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
who'll give me something in return
I'll give it to someone
hold my heart and watch it burn
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
I've got you here to stay
I can love you for a day
I thought you were someone special
gave you my heart
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone
last christmas I gave you my heart
you gave it away
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone

=) I will allow it just once more for Liang Mong, just because it's Christmas okay.
And it will most certainly be the last one this year.

It has always been about you, but this time, it'll be me.
I'll be the one with the blithely attitude.
Just let me be this once, when I still have the chance.

HA, I am in charge of my life. YES.
I control my mood. YES.
You cannot hurt me. YES.
IT's CHRISTMAS! YES!

so i tell you

2006-12-23T04:44:00.000+08:00

Hmm, so this is it huh?
How long has it been?
Two years and ten months. Thirty-four months, and a half.
Well, I'm closing down this blog.
=)

This is my 465th entry.
There's eight more days to the end of this year,
so I might still have a few more entries.
No doubt it's been a hell of a two years.
I've been up there(look upon a corner of the room as I type this), yup, well up there.
Then I've been down down down.
It doesn't matter anyway.
Looking back changes nothing.

I think I've at least learnt to be grateful for my life, well, other than maclaurin's series, recurrance formulas, etc.
I awaits the unfolding of another chapter of my life.
And I shall put behind all grudges, unpleasants?, and pain.

But it has been REALLY BORING, sleeping after 6am, and waking up after 3pm everyday.
There's nothing to do but use computer. =(
Bleh, I will die of radiation from the computer, tell me that please.
I did do some exercises though.

I trained my fore-arm.
I remembered how heavy 3kg rifle felt even while proning on the ground, with support and all.
I trained my grip by swing my guitar around! LOL, yes.
Exactly what I did.
I did my push-ups. Well, maybe 150 push-ups is for morning PT only?
punishments pumpings not included? True, 150 is not enough to kill.
But together with other exercise, 150 can also be hell.
I did half squats for every alternate 30 seconds for 4 minutes.
OMG, 4 minutes of hell that is.
My breasts are feeling the strain from the pumpings, that's good.

This is kind of aimless, but then at least it's a luxury life.

2006-12-21T21:02:00.000+08:00

KAREN - Silent Night (merry xmas)

Another song from Karen Kong

2006-12-21T20:56:00.000+08:00

KAREN - In Love Again (demo)

Karen Kong

2006-12-21T20:40:00.000+08:00

I am currently in amidst of doing push-ups.
2 sets of 20, keep going...
...
Yup, I'm going to start preparing for NS now.
It's never too late.
I shall attempt to do 5 sets of 20 daily for this week, then 4 sets of 25 next week, then 3 sets of 30 the week after. keep going...
phew... *pant pant*
LOL.
It's going to be a great year, doing push-ups, jogging from places to places, earning ranks and badges, shouting "yes, segeant!"
I'm taking it to be a long term chalet!
=D
Keep going...
DONE.

Hmm, about jogging, I'll do it another day perhaps.
How many months has it been since I last jog/run?
2, 3, maybe 4.
Was it when I took my NAPFA???

HEHE, I heard commando training does 150 push-ups a day, that considered pretty serious, but my guess is it's probably for the first week only.
That's what they like to do, to make you feel intimidated initially.
HAHA.

Well now, how about doing some more push-ups so that I can do less tomorrow???
ARGH! My shoulder joints aching already.
Wahaha, must get back to soldier mode.

OH yes, I discovered this Chinese girl living in Malaysia that has a really great voice: Karen Kong.
She got the OMGish voice.
She made me like the song silent night.
LISTEN.

maggot

2006-12-19T04:14:00.000+08:00

I was using the new hotmail address and adding some contacts when I realised some names I've grown so unfamiliar to.
Low Hiang Tee.
Ohya, I also called him maggot at times, maybe that's why.
It's kind of sad that someone who used to sit next to you, and treat you so well, but you suddenly find their name hard to recall.
Also there are people I do not know their middle names.
Ha, maybe I've been too busy with my own life these two years.
Been busy absorbed in myself.
kind of miss maggot.
I want to hug him!

banker

2006-12-19T03:17:00.000+08:00

Promised not to be negative.
A promise is a promise.

Man, this is getting so boring and no life.
I've been cooping myself up these days.
Bad bad.
That explains everything.
Why I think too much, and why I am getting restless.
Ah, must make it a point to go out often then.
Oh, and that also explains why blogging in 50 hours time seems to be a long time.
=D

Cannot, I've got too much time!
OMG! *Gasp!*

Hmm, let's see, what am I supposed to say now?
Okay, I went to a cell group gathering on the 16th night.
There're kids there as well, ha, and yup, they're adorable.
I didn't know eight-years-olds still climb onto people.
Hmm, thought should have grown out of that phase by eight.

OH ya!
I got new email address.
It's going to be a new year ahead!
Hmm, nope, I will not be using the new address yet.
Maybe next week.
And I got friendster account.

Hmm... I know you're having fun, and that's good enough.
=)

HAHA! I pretty much decided to go NUS take quantitative finance.
Why? Because it looks tough to me.
Students have to apply for it after one year of studies in NUS.
And they're considering people with very good results in required modules and Honours qualifiers.
YEAH.
That sounds challenging enough.
HAHA, yup, if you don't know me...
That's the kind of person I am.
I take FM because it makes me feel like I'm special, and people go "WA..." when I say I'm taking further mathematics.
I want to become rich in future, because I want people to be proud of me.
Simply put, I'm egotistic. =D
I go for glory and money.
Not that money is important to me, but money brings me glory.

But commando is another matter, because dying in the process is not honourable.
And the scale is not balanced, to put my life on the line.
HAHA, do I sound like a greedy coward?
Well, maybe I am, but then who cares.
None shall judge me, but me alone.

daydream

2006-12-17T23:16:00.000+08:00

My computer went down yesterday.
Hmm, a few of my friends already went in NS, and in another 3 weeks and 5 days time, it'll be me!
=)
Nervous? A little bit.
Oh well, what will be will be.
I am confident I can handle the future.

On the side note, accidents DO happen.
If some smart alec misfired into me, or knocked into my parachute, or I doze off and tripped off a cliff while trekking, or whatever, do know this life is not wasted.
At least I will die knowing it's this way.
Oh, and do arrange for curry chicken during the funeral if that ever happens.
That's a request from Alvin.
Er.. most importantly, that person must come for my funeral. =)

WAHAHA, okay.
That's all about dying.
Most probably I'll be wearing the red beret in a few months' time.
=D
Then I'll study a subject relating to finance, and be a banker!
=DDD
Then 15 years down the road, my salary will be 12.5k per month.
That will be good, and I'll retire when I reach 48 or 50, and start a restaurant!
=D
I'll definitely have ice cream in my restaurant, and maybe spaghetti and pizza.
Oh, maybe just a coffee house will do, a small one.

WAHAHA, as you can see, I'm clearing day-dreaming.
But then it's always good to have dreams! =)

I can play dotA, but computer might restart for no apparant.
=(
Computer and dotA do not go well together.

=)

2006-12-15T19:17:00.000+08:00

I am going to die if I keep this up.
I've been sleeping at 4am and waking up after 3pm for the past 2 days.
Not good, not good.
No exercise, not good, not good.
=(

Here's a nice song:

You And I Both - Jason Mraz

Was it you who spoke the words that,
Things would happen but not to me,
Oh things are gonna happen naturally.
Oh taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side,
and balancing the whole thing
Oh but at often times those words get tangled up in a line.
And the bright light turns to night
Oh until the dawn it brings,
another day to sing about the magic that was you and me.

Cause you and I both love.
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of, the love,
The love that I love.

See I'm all about them words,
Over numbers encumbered numbered words
Hundreds and pages pages pages forward
More words than I, had ever heard,
And I feel so alive.

Cause You and I both love.
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now,
Oh love love,
You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I, anymore
And with this silence bring a moral story
More importantly, e-volving,
Is the glory of a boy

Cause You and I both love.
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now,
Well then I'm almost finally out of
I'm finally out of, finally dededede, Well I'm almost finally finally, I'm free,
Oh, I'm free.

And it's okay, If you had to go away,
Oh just remember the telephone, they're working in both ways,
But if I never ever hear them ring..
If nothing else, I think the bells inside have finally found you someone else,
And that's okay..
Cause I'll remember everything you sang.

Cause you and I both love.
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
And if you could see me now, well then I'm finally out of,
finally out of, finally dededede,
Well I'm almost finally finally out of words.

random

2006-12-14T02:22:00.000+08:00

I've done nothing much for the past two days except download and read death note manga.
I did went out to swim and play pool though.
Finished up 108 chapters in two days, pretty much a feat, I reckon.
Did nothing about the "postcard" though.
=(
Did not study for SAT too, sort of given up already.
Talking about SPCA whatever crap, given up too.
Guess I'm really this type of person.

Christmas coming up!
=D
I want to have a wishlist!

1. cap, preferably brown
2. mud brown tee from pull and bear
3. bottle of vanilla essence
4. new pick to replace lost one
5. a fit and healthy body for commando training
6. even more happiness???

HAHA! My Christmas wishlist is pretty simple, because I only consider these stuffs possible and within reach.
I want EVEN MORE happiness because I already am happy.
=)

WAHAHA.
THIS CLASS I GOT MYSELF INTO...
The people inside,
sure ARE weird.
WAHAHAHAHA.
Sorry, cannot help laughing.

I personally find that disgusting and gross.
It's almost like reading whoever's blog.
Oh well, whoever is a friend of mine, so I shall protect his name.
Just that I don't enjoy reading his blog.
Trust me, you wouldn't too.

Whatever you do, most likely I don't give much of a damn.
If I do not like you or treat you as a friend, then whatever you do cannot hurt, but only irritate me.
If it's a friend, I wouldn't be sad for long, not more than five minutes, even if you did something that's supposed to hurt me.
Because I've gained immunity. =D

And I know the more I trust, the deeper the hurt.
So I keep trust to myself most of the time.
So if I ever feel someone is to betray that trust, I will first thing first take back my trust.
Sometimes I do feel as if the whole world is my enemy.
In layman's term, I am paranoid,
and I do not trust. Not completely.

I suppose this is normal.
Maybe you feel the same???

Irregardless, I seem to have a liking to "bad guys" in movies and stories.
It is not about killing or raping or arson, it's the idea of breaking the law.
Looking in their shoes, obviously they broke the law for a reason they feel justified, or at least it seems so for them.
Depending on situation, I might even think the criminal is doing the right thing.
Also, I hate law enforcers who are smug about their identity.
They go around abusing their authority, or they always think they're right.
They are blinded by the label of justice.
They think their ideals are always just, because they are law enforcers.

As you can see, I am clearly difting off my train of thoughts, and going on and on...
That's it.
I've basically been typing rubbish.
They are different matters altogether.
That shows I'm tired, and not thinking clearly, and showing vulnerability.

holiday

2006-12-11T03:20:00.000+08:00

HAHA. I think I have been irritating to people around me for the past year.
I've done bad things like getting pissed off easily, having mood swing, fud-up anyone that gets in my way.
But then I hope they know it's usually just me.

I just came back from Malaysia, hometown of my mother.
It's my grandmother's birthday on the 10th, so it's a family gathering at the mother's side.
One thing for sure when I go to Malaysia, there'll be lots of kids.
HAHA.

My uncle's wife (da4 jiu4 ma1) help people take care of kids, and my mother's sister (xiao3 yi2) has 3 kids.
There's this girl and her younger brother whom DA JIU MA used to babysit when they were young. They're now about 12 and 10 years old, but they still come over pretty often.
Anyway, so there's a total of about 6 children this time round, not including my 15 years old brother.
It's been fun playing with the kids.
=)

Hmm... People are going off overseas for their holidays recently.
I don't like the idea, because it's restrictive when you travel with family.
When I'm rich, I'll probably travel by myself.
I like visiting old churches or just sitting outside a Coffeebean watching people walk by during a cloudy day.
NONO, my ideal holiday is just lying around and not doing anything.
Hmm, like go Banyan Tree resort and just stay in the resort for days, room services, watch movies, jump on the bed however I like, get drunk and high!!! =DDD
OMG, I am day-dreaming.
Okay, stop.
I'm off.
=D

Last thing: I'm changing blog addy, hotmail at the end of this month, and phone no. at the end of January.
I just want a new start for myself.
Let's hope I'll change for the better too!

untitled

2006-12-08T00:25:00.000+08:00

Today I went out with Wei Qi aka Sudave.
I bought a bicycle deck, and I now know the location of a magic shop.
Yup, was thinking of calling up a number I once saw to locate a magic shop.
But as fate would have brought it, junhao happens to be a card enthusiast, more hardcore than me.
I take it as just one of my hobby when I've got nothing better to do,
but he's totally into it.

More sleights and manipulations to learn.

Anyway, Kinokuniya sells guitar scores too!
And I saw books of Postsecrets too!
If I'm rich, I will buy the book cowritten by Donald Trump and this millionaire.
I will buy a few self-enrichment books.
But then I'm not rich.
=(
I don't see books on tarots though.

nothing happened

2006-12-07T03:48:00.000+08:00

That's right, 3rd post in less than 24 hours.

It's over now.
I've decided there's so much more I can do.

Sometimes I might laugh for no apparent reason.
Sometimes it's when I thought of something funny.
Sometimes it's when I am mocking at myself for being such a ridicule.
No more.
I will not treat myself like that anymore.
I must try to be happy everyday instead!
=D

YES, I AM GOING OUT.
I am meeting Sudave, The Great!
=)

You know what?
I feel that this time, I will succeed.
=)

You know what? (again)
Fixing A Broken Heart by Azn Dreamers is slower than the version covered by Indecent Obsession.
It's true.
I only realised that just now.
I've been listening to Indecent's rendition for so long that I only started listening to Azn's recently.
They are different but equally good.
Listen to both.
Trust me.

I am okay.
And I certainly hope this time I will make it through.
Maybe each time I try, I get stronger inside.
And It makes the next try more likely to succeed or the effect longer.
But then when I get down again, I do feel like I've been self-deluding.

Hmmm... I want to make full use of my time.
Go out, have fun, buy something for myself, learn swimming, keep fit, study for SAT.
Yup, I want to take it though nobody asked me to.
SMU is in one of my options.
I want to do volunteer work at SPCA too! LOL.
Just a passing thought, not that I've got time to spare.
I want to go church as well.
HAHA, my guess is I will just procrastinate until I get busy and start whining about how little time I've got.
We shall see again another time...

1 2 3 4 5

2006-12-06T23:07:00.000+08:00

I promise myself you will hear no more negative stuffs from me.
Neither will I talk to myself about it.
I will clear these memories.
That is my first step.

My second step is to create friendster account.
But I'm not in a hurry.

Third step is to pursue my interests.
Play more guitar and cards.

Fourth step.. Hmm... Let me think...
Improve my fitness?
Learn swimming?

Fifth step is to learn to appreciate all the small things around me.
Things like not having to worry about exams, eating ice-cream, sleeping without having bad dreams, having the ability to spend, able to go out and stay over as I wish.
Everything I know I can do and have but they are actually priviledges.

HAHA.
What about the problem?
There is no problem as long as I do not think about it.
What will be will be.
Que Sera Sera.

go away

2006-12-06T16:42:00.000+08:00

You wouldn't understand anyway.
So just go away.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???
There's no turning back time, so I shall look forward.
And pretend things never happened?
I'll think about it again when the need arises, shall I?

For now??? I shall just go play pokemon and forget everything.
I'll not think about it anymore, yes??

okay...

Last night was prom. Ya.
I do not feel like talking about it.
Not that it's terrible or anything.
But, you wouldn't understand anyway.
So just go away.

here comes the sun

2006-12-05T00:15:00.000+08:00

I just took a shower, and I realised I'm red.
I think I'm burnt.

I had to lower the temperature of the shower.
The beating jets of water against my scarlet skin.
The last time I ever felt the same was more than a year ago.
But it was more painful then.
I know for sure, because I was crying in the shower then.

HAHA.
I was laughing hysterically in the shower just now instead.

golden commandments

2006-12-04T22:49:00.000+08:00

I'm getting easily irritated these days, by people around me.

I just do not like the way people look to me for answers.

Stop tagging along me.

I feel like my personal space is intruded.

I am not God (in other words, am I supposed to know???)

Stop imitating me.

I need to be left alone.

Do not repeat questions thrown at me, especially those I cannot answer.

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, I AM NOT POINTING FINGERS AT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR.

SECOND, ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I AM QUIRKY AND WEIRD, AND ONE EVEN SAY INSANE.

THIRDLY, RESPECT THAT.

FOURTHLY, GO AND DIE.

random

2006-12-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

Something made me angry.
My temper is getting foul.
Grr...
FUCK OFF.
Are you that desperate?
Your attitude is disgusting.
Tell you what, why not spend 50dollars in Geylang instead?

Some songs I don't like as much, but I cannot make up my mind to put in anot.
Putting too much songs spoils the whole thing.
Some are definitely must-hear.

I'm kind of stressed up though exams are over.
What's this!?
Never mind, at least I can eat good stuffs like chocolate, ice-cream, etc.
Oh, I feel like eating pizza, and KFC.

not enough

2006-12-01T01:29:00.000+08:00

WA.
That's a very expensive price-tag.
Hmm.. But I felt more relieved now that I've bought the shirt.
Remaining are trousers and shoes.
I do believe my plan is not achieving its target.
I initially planned to take out 50 per week, which seems ok.
Then I intend to exchange all my ringgit for sing dollars.
That may come up another 50.
So I'll have 150 in total after 2 weeks, and I will not arouse any suspicion.
But then thanks to liangmong, he spent alot on drinks, food.
He realised he spent the 50 dollars withdrew the first week, and even the money roy and patrick passed to him to pay for the post prom tixs.
yes, scold what the fish to him.

Now the plan is this: plan to die.
Just take out more money to buy shoes and trousers, which weren't in my expectation initially. Exchange off the ringgits.
I got only 11 left in my wallet. =(
thats a balance of negative 27.
I need to pay maybe 140 for trousers and shoes.
ringgit gives me 50.
So I'll need to withdraw 117 dollars???
OM Fishing G!

Confirm die.
Unless I borrow... Or I'll just be honest when confronted.
I'll take the latter I guess.

AE, DO YOU OWE ME MONEY???
ALVIN??? ABBAS??? er... YUAN ING!
PLEASE RECALL AND PAY ME IF YOU DO OWE ME.
BE IT 50 CENTS OR ONE DOLLAR ='(

(T__T)

I admit eating double cheese burger, brownie, hokkien noodles, carlsberg, playing pool, went gym, swimming pool. I am guilty of wasting my money! =(
I didn't even have the mind to save.
I was only thinking about treating myself to good stuffs to make up for the studying...
I REGRET, OK. I REGRET.
NOW SHOW ME THE MONEY!

that was not me

2006-11-30T14:24:00.000+08:00

Let down my guard, that's the phrase for it.
Well, I've just experienced for myself the first time how it feels like to be under the influence of alcohol.
The worst I've encountered before was only the "trailing effect", where your vision is affected.
I reflected that what I did last night was against my policy of belief.
Letting down my guard, making myself vulnerable.
But I have to admit I was high; it feels good.
No, I'm fully aware of what I did and I didn't pass out.

I want to go stayover friend's house to watch movies and chiong ice-cream.
Gymming, buying trousers and shoes, takes up 2 out of 4 days to prom night.
The other 2??? I need to rest, play guitar, computer, and read book.

beat that too

2006-11-28T23:46:00.000+08:00

I guess I recovered.
Low mood is over.
=)

Maybe I should be thankful.
Half is better than none.
A bit is better than nothing.

I think I feel better because i let it out last night.
Greencan does its job.
Last night was like many nights before.
It's been too long since I've not done that.

Well, some people make sure they feel sad most of the time.
That's the idea.

I was wrong.
I am not confident.

I am egotistic but negative.
Beat that.

beat that

2006-11-28T00:01:00.000+08:00

I'm confident but negative.
Beat that.

Maybe I should free myself even more from what other people think of me.
Because even I myself dislike liang mong.
The rest of the world is of no importance.
No, I do not hate you, I simply just dislike you.

"Now I know, No matter what the question, green can is the answer."

greencan

2006-11-27T23:32:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it just overwhelms me for the day.
Okay, most of the time.
You know who do I think is the meanest to me?
It's liang mong.
But you think one can help it?
No.

Sometimes you do things the wrong way on purpose.
That's the idea.

Haha, so it's neither here nor there.
It wasn't this way.
It didn't meant to turn out this way.
It's supposed to be how it used to be.
Nothing changes.
Then I'll be happy.
Or I think so.
Maybe I might not be.
I've lost definition of happiness.

Is happiness about eating ice cream?
Is it about not worrying about exams?
Is happiness playing computer games without a worry?

HAHA, I am bugged by Insanity.
Ought to throw it into Pool of Oblivion.
Now, that's a good idea.
Never mind, I've read too much of Captain Bluebear.

Get lost.
And so you think you understand.
Well, guess what?
HAHAHA..

YOU DON'T.

L

2006-11-27T01:04:00.000+08:00

Ask me what's the difference between now and then.
I will tell you I'm no longer sad like before.
Other than that, it's pretty much the same.
I am kind of at a loss too.
It's like I'm neither here nor there.
Can I go back to the past?
Nope, you CAN'T!
SO STOP THINKING THE IMPOSSIBLE!

I think I'll never find my prom ticket. =(

I'm the greatest loser in this world.
Remember to keep things you treasure close to you.

Here I am - Air Supply
Here I am,
Playing with those memories again.
Just when I thought time has set me free,
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me.
Holding you,
A feeling I never outgrew.
Though each and every part of me has tried,
Only you can fill that space inside.
So there's no sense pretending,
My heart is not mending.

Just when I thought I was over you,
Just when I thought I could stand on my own.
Oh baby those memories came crashing through.
And I just can't go on without you.

On my own,
I tried to make the best of it alone.
I've done everything I can to ease the pain,
But only you can stop the rain.
I just can't live without you.
I miss everything about you.

Just when I thought I was over you,
Just when I thought I could stand on my own.
Oh baby those memories came crashing through.
And I just can't go on without you.
It's just no good without you.

Best I Ever Had - Vertical Horizon
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever

I need you back.

Last episode

2006-11-26T00:24:00.000+08:00

YES!
Another 4 episodes of Prison Break I've just watched.
That leaves episode 22, last episode of Prison Break season 1.
WAHAHA! =D
They got out already in episode 21.
I suppose episode 22 is when the conflicts come in, and a few people are going to die.

Today I went out. Yes, as promised to myself.
Well, I will get that tomorrow.
I'm going to Kovan tomorrow.

WHYY! Episode 22 keeps on getting error, and I have to sort of refresh to keep it going.
I hope I can get it done before I go to bed tonight.
looking at the rate again, maybe not...

Hmm.. I ought to start doing all the thing I've always awnted to do, but told myself not to.
Things like playing pool, LAN-gaming, playing guitar, etc.
But then I've got some financial constrictions.
Money is now going not to LAN shops, movies, pool, but to clothes.
OMG, yes. preparation for prom, it's a WOMBAT, I tell you.
Waste Of Money, Brain, And Time.

Hey Jude - The Beatles
Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don't be afraid.
You were made to go out and get her.
The minute you let her under your skin,
Then you begin to make it better.

And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain,
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder.

Hey Jude, don't let me down.
You have found her, now go and get her.
Remember to let her into your heart,
Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,
You're waiting for someone to perform with.
And don't you know that it's just you, hey Jude, you'll do,
The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey Jude, don't make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better.
Remember to let her under your skin,
Then you'll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, oh.

Na Na Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na, hey Jude...

holiday

2006-11-25T02:20:00.000+08:00

Hello!
I went gym today, and after that, did a little swimming.
Just that little swimming I can do. =)
I realised I got this nerve near my elbow that hurts when I tried lifting weights vertically.
Ohwell, never mind.
I've come to accept them as part and parcel of me!
Hope it heals though.

Hmmm.. I've just finished watching episode 17 of Prison Break!
=D
They're almost there, but there's been a few major change of plans. Emergencies.
Anyway, the last few episodes will be most exciting since they are spanned over the last few days in the prison. There's been a couple of problems, and Captain Bellick is getting to them... AR! =)

I didn't look for my ticket today actually.
I was hoping it would come out somehow after I stopped looking for it.

Anyway, I was just sucking on a Chupa Chups. =)
And I just ate a mini TimeOut.
Hoho, life after A's been good.
No frets over studies. I eat without stress.
I sleep without stress. I can play games without feeling guilty.
I can watch Prison Break! =DDD
I can read adventures of Captain Bluebear!
Hmm... I ought to give my computer a break after I've watched all episodes of Prison Break season 1.
That's another 5 more episodes to download.
I'm getting 3 now... Tomorrow I'll probably start downloading the other 2, then I will stay away from Prison Break for a while.

Oh, I ate Twisties salmon teriyaki today! =D
HA, I'm crazy.
No, I'm hungry.
I shall go get another Timeout?
No, maybe I'll cook noodles.
We'll see.

OHNO! I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE SOON!
I NEED TO BUY STUFFS!
Such as CD-RW, clothes, etc.
Tomorrow is Saturday. Time is running out, mong!
*Curse* Tomorrow I will, ok.

bring back oh bring back oh bring back my promtix to me

2006-11-24T01:51:00.000+08:00

Hmm.. I went out today.
What to say?
Looked for prom stuff lor.
I'm going again next week.

Tomorrow's gym plus swimming.
Maybe saturday I need to go out, cause I need to buy stuffs.
Monday I'm going to meet up ex-classmates.
And if time allows, catch a movie with my classmates.
I want to play pool soon. =)
Sunday go running, mong?
HAR! Run???
Tiring leh... Don't run la...
CANNOT! MUST START RUNNING, YOU LAZY FOOL!
YOU'RE GOING IN COMMANDO 7 WEEKS LATER!
YOUR 2.4 AND STAMINA WILL BE THE DEATH OF YOU!

Okay, okay..
Don't be so fierce leh...
Run run, I run okay?
Haiz.

LOL, okay, that was silly of me.

SO....

PROM TICKET, CAN YOU PLEASE COME OUT???
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE...
I SINCERELY BEG YOU!
PLEASE COME OUT.
I LOVE YOU MUCH.
COME BACK TO PAPA.
I NEED YOU!

stressar

2006-11-22T20:54:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to type.
I've been reading adventures of Captain Bluebear.
Haha, it's an interesting world of Zamonia where cyclops and minipirates exists.
I realised I don't enjoy it as much if I try to read it when I'm tired.
It's because I need to concentrate to get the smallest details described in the book.

Thinking of prom is bad for my health.
Prom Tix, please come back?
Baby, I need you!

random message from unknown

2006-11-21T00:47:00.000+08:00

Open your heart just once more,
and listen to God's voice,
for he will lead you and soften your broken heart.
May the Good Lord bring peace to you and all that reads this message.
From: Cleveland Ohio 11-19-06

I think I'm got more religious ever since I came to SAJC.

overover ROGERTHAT!

2006-11-20T20:10:00.000+08:00

YEAH!!!
EXAMS ARE OVER!!!
VERY HAPPY. =D
VERY VERY HAPPY.
In celebration of exams being over, I bought some snacks to reward myself.

Hmm..
Now talking about exams, I figure I would get either AAA, AAB, or ABB.
Haiz. Nvm, it's over now.
Seriously it's over.
I find it still ahrd to believe.

FM IS MY BEST SUBJECT

2006-11-19T22:07:00.000+08:00

FM is tomorrow.
FM always freak me out.
I'm scared, seriously.
I've decided to convince myself I'm very very good in mechanics.
Rather, it's my strongest subject now.
So there's nothing to worry about at all about tomorrow.
OKAY, I shall stop deceiving myself.
No, I was just trying to make myself feel better.
It's alright, mong!
See, your paper 1 is better than a few of your friends.
That shows how much you've grown!
You can do it, must have confidence in yourself.
What the heck, after all, I was from CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL.
CAT HIGH spirit lives!
YEAH!!! MONG!!!
Cat high forever.

"Belief", it's THAT important. =)

zz

2006-11-19T02:00:00.000+08:00

I'm tired.
But I'm hungry. After my noodles, and this post, I'm off to bed.
I'm dling prison break episode 11 to 22!
=D

Today tried to study, but really tired today.
And I can't think properly.
Off-form lor..
If today off-form, and the probability of being off-form does not follow memory-less property, then I will probably be on form on Monday!
Never mind, if you don't take Further Mathematics...
You just don't get it. =)

Let paper 2 be good!
No hard mechanics. Or statistics!

I don't know why, but I got emotional just now.
Now I know that I did the right thing by getting into the cab tonight.
Some things in life are more precious than money.

studytomorrow

2006-11-18T01:41:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow I will study hard la.
And I will stop swearing soon.
I'm feeling pissed now but I don't know why.

Fm wasn't very easy today.
Not hard la, but I lost at least 13 to 20 marks.
AT LEAST 13!
Yup, it's okay. Still within chance.
Cannot be more than 20, if not I die le.
Pray it's not more than 20.

Paper 2 I'm aiming for above 85%, so as to confirm my A.
Which means I must be able to see and do my mechanics diagrams.
Mecha proving will makes me smile.
Half of stats is proving.
The other half everything else.

Tomorrow I will work very very hard for FM, then I relax abit on Sunday.
I can do it.
Today is kind of wasted.
Time is running out I know, but I watched TV from 7-8, 10-2.
5 hours of TV and 2, 3 hours on Yuri's Revenge.
Another 1, 2 hours on the computer.
That's bad.
Real bad.

Tomorrow I'll be a good kid, promise.

Anotover

2006-11-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

What the heck, hotmail server overload?
Everybody's celebrating end of A lvls...
Not me.
I studied many hours today.
Very very good!

Tomorrow, I'm going to get my next A.
Paper 1 will be over!
Then I need to buck up and mechanics, and recap on stats.
Then it's all done and over with!
=)
Mechanics will be hard to grasp.
But my kiling-confidence can take it.

FM is going to be easy tomorrow.
I don't worry about the paper.
I worry about the people competing for A with me.
People in RJC, NJC, HCI, NYJC, SAJC, TJC, VJC, and AJC.
All those taking FM will be my competitors.
That's alot, I know.
Those not included are considered negligible.

I hope they all freaked out!!!
WAHAHAHA!
The paper is not going to post a problem to me, they will.
DIE!!!!!

Tomorrow, I am going to show you what miracle mong can perform in a day.
Thinking of Ms Chan's face when she see my results next year makes me excited.

I'm going to miss another episode of Inuyasha and Get-Backers tonight.
Prison Break is now on. Don't worry, I've got the movie clip in my computer.
I borrowed a book today.
It's a children novel, I would say.
I like it alot, cause there's illustrations.
It's name is: "the 13½ lives of Captain Bluebear".
Interesting right!? HAHA, read few pages, think it's going to be good.
After Monday... =D

fm

2006-11-15T18:36:00.000+08:00

Haha, I think somebody kaopehed me on his blog.
So I heard he blogged about this guy who finished the chemistry paper 2 in 20 minutes.
Isn't that me???
LOL.

Nvm. Today's physics.
Was not ok.
Argz, I think I'm being too tensed up today.
I even missed sketching a graph.
Well, ok.
Let's hope for the best now.

FM coming up, my worst fear.
Why am I still using computer then?
Hey, it's the first time ever I studied until I got headache okay.
Either it's chicken essence which seems to make me more tired after each paper, or I simply lack sleep.
I'm just taking a break.
Maybe I will study 10hours for FM tomorrow. Let's hope it's enough.
Need to strategise my studies.
HAHA, seems abit late, BUT IT'S OK.

I CAN KILL PEOPLE WITH MY CONFIDENCE!
that's how much confidence I'm bursting of

fm

2006-11-14T22:17:00.000+08:00

Share with you a lyric:

The Rose - Bette Midler
Some say love, it is a river that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower, and you it's only seed

It's the heart, afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking, that never takes a chance
It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dyin', that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely,
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love, in the spring becomes The Rose

Anyway, the clock's stopped ticking.
I've stopped counting.
This time it's real.
Thanks for everything.

Tomorrow's physics paper 3, but shouldn't be a problem.
I'm worried about Fmaths.
I seem to be at C standard.
Can I say I'm beginning to feel frightened?
Because my high wall is coming, the only real obstacle I consider in this examination.
And it's coming fast.
I worry time is pulling a fast one on me.
I worry hard work might not get me there anymore.

But then one must have confidence!
For having faith is winning half the battle.
That, I always believe.

schoolnomore

2006-11-14T01:56:00.000+08:00

I was wishing the clock would show something like 4am, better still 5am.
But sadly, it's 1.30am?
I just can't sleep before 12am.
It will turn out to be a "nap".
Tomorrow's chemistry.
No pressure at all.
Must be a vaccum, not even ideal gas can do that.
Not my brain la!
My brain is so full of knowledge. (DUH!)

Im worried about Friday's paper.
Not enough time to prepare, and I'm worried I will be getting insufficient sleep the night before.

Examinations and schools should never be set to start early in the morning.
Fuck. Why do we study such long hours?
Students and teens are supposed to have life.
We could like at least start school at 9.30am
There are people waking up at 4, 5 am to go to school you know?
That's totally absurb.
And we should probably end school like 3pm.
Maybe 1.30pm for CCA days.

Better still, make schooling at night!

Anyway,
I AM GETTING A FOR MATHS C.
I AM GETTING A FOR PHYSICS.
I WILL BE GETTING A FOR F-MATHS.
Belief, confidence, and hard work will get me there.

random

2006-11-13T01:23:00.000+08:00

Do you have anyone that has a piece of your heart?
I just happened to be listening to songs.

Puzzle of My Heart - WestLife
It's the way she fills my senses
It's the perfume that she wears
I feel I'm losing my defences
To the colour of her hair And every little piece of her is right
Just thinking about her
Takes me through the night [Chorus]
Every time we meet
The picture is complete
Every time we touch
The feeling is too much
She's all I ever need
To fall in love again
I knew it from the very start She's the puzzle of my heart It's the way she's always smiling
That makes me think she never cries
I feel I'm losing my defences
To the colour of her eyes And every little piece of her is right [Chorus] Like a miracle she's meant to be
She became the light inside of me
And I can feel her like a memory
From long... ago [Chorus] Every time we meet
The picture is complete
Every time we touch
The feeling is too much Every time we meet
The picture is complete
Every time we touch
The feeling is too much
She's all I ever need
To fall in love again
I knew it from the very start
She's the puzzle of my heart

Billy Ocean - There'll Be Sad Songs
Sometimes I wonder by the look in your eyes
When I'm standing beside you

there's a fever burning deep inside.
Is there another in your memory

Do you think of that someone
when you hear that special melody?
I always stop and think of you especially

When the words of a love song touch the very heart of me.

There'll be sad songs to make you cry -
Lave songs often do.
They can touch the heart of someone new -
Saying I love you.

I often wonder how it could be - you loving me -
Two hearts in perfect harmony.
I'll count the hours until that day
The rhapsody plays a melody for you and me.
Until the moment that you give your love to me

You're the one I care for
the one that I would wait for.

There'll be sad songs to make you cry - . . .

You're my desire
you take me higher

My love is like a river running so deep.
I always stop and think of you especially

When the words of a love song touch the very heart of me.

There'll be sad songs to make you cry - . . .
There'll be sad songs to make you cry - . . .

Sayin' I love you - I love you

Guess everybody got someone special in their heart, can be a close sibling, parents, the other half or maybe a friend.
No, not strangers please.

After As, I'm going to work? Or play and exercise?
I saw Lina just now.
Tomorrow's Physics paper.
Hope for A.
Hope for easy DA, or I become enlightened suddenly.
Luck to all having papers tomorrow.

I'm going sleep. Cya.
Suddenly I feel happy.
Because?
Because I'm no longer sad like before?
Maybe.
I'll be happy after I get through this.
Then I'll say goodbye to studying!

meepok

2006-11-12T02:21:00.000+08:00

No more ice cream at home; I ate the last stick.
Today I've been hardworking.
But not enough.
Tomorrow's last day, and I need to rest early tomorrow remember?
My aching neck doesn't help me alot in concentrating.

The MeePok at the coffee chop near my house is the best.

physics

2006-11-11T01:20:00.000+08:00

God, my neck feels like it's gonna break.
I can't imagine myself hitting the gym 3 times a week after As.
God no, please...

I need to study hard!!!
Physics is hard.
They always ask stupid questions.
I'm screwed for physics.
Fuck.

Further Maths? Thrown away for the moment.
I'm screwed.
Where do I find the time to study for FM?
Time, I need more!
I shouldn't be using computer at all!
Shit.
Bye.
F.

serious

2006-11-10T00:31:00.000+08:00

I feel like a loser.
I am a pathetic 3-subber!
Fuck.
I don't feel good when my results are shit.
Does that means I'm stupid?

Nvm, not much time left for physics.
I need to study.
Bye.
I'm getting serious.

random

2006-11-09T02:37:00.000+08:00

Ok, I've just watched another 2 episodes od prison break.
I shouldn't have started the download in the first place.
Damn. Ok, now I must even stop downloading the episodes.
No downloads= no watching.
I feel like I've sinned. Tomorrow getting A?
Yes, it's a must.
Stats seems easiest among all.
I am damn bloody scared of further maths mecha.
I can die.
I should not be blogging now.
I want to eat another stick of ice cream.
I am eating ice cream everyday.
I should slp soon, but I only woke up at 10pm.
I shall go do another physics paper 2 before I sleep.
Bye.

Shit. Do you think I got chance?
I don't know... But..
No lar, no chance.
It's just that I still want to try.
Ok lor, better than to regret.
Ya. =)

chem=die

2006-11-07T22:46:00.000+08:00

WHY THE FUCK AM I GOING THROUGH THIS?
I THOUGHT I'M DONE WITH CHEMISTRY FOREVER?
Fuck, I'm damn scare because of chemistry tomorrow.
I surely cannot pass!
And I'm studying for it now...
Is this the correct thing to do?
I'm trailing for my physic revision.
DAMNIT.
AFTER 12 O'CLOCK, I am going into retreat, away from computer for 4 days.
Then I use one day, then I cont studying for further mathematics.
That's the deal.

Anyway. I hate chemistry.

action

2006-11-07T19:37:00.000+08:00

Today's Maths paper.
It ain't easy.
It ain't.

But not hard.
After my second round, I cleared most of the unknown ones.
I ended up with 5marks not done cause still can't get.
I lost some other marks, like PnC, complex roots.
damn, I thought my complex roots is correct, but they all agreed on the answer, so that's a total of 12 marks gone.
Some are very tricky, but I assume I got them right.
Even after throwing in careless mistakes, A is within my grasp!

Paper 2 will kill me.
Mecha, Stats, or Applied?
Mecha is my weakest among three.
My stats is not good for maths c, cause there's just too much of maths c stats to know.
I tried applied maths once, and it was terrible.

I'm taking chemistry paper tomorrow.
Why, I have no idea.
I realised I flinched upon hearing people talk chemistry.
Haiz.
I have to say sorry to Liak Pong.
It just isn't my subject.
Even though it's an useless struggle, I shall go try.
Help contribute to the failing pool, so that I push up the others.
Yup.

I need to stop using computer, because as you can see, once I start, I can't stop.
And I'm eating ice cream everyday.
That's very good, but I don't want to fall sick now. Will I?
I need physic consultation soon.
But I'm afraid he'll be booked already.
SHIT, ACT FAST, NO MORE COM. BYE.

hetero

2006-11-03T21:33:00.000+08:00

Well, I've decided to blog, because I remembered I got two things to tell..

Ohyes, it's about me.
16 months ago from now, I was a happy boy not knowing what it feels like to be crushed. The closest feeling was when a hockey ball crushed my balls! (OWW!)
16 months later now, I'm still a boy, or I hope so.
I feel like I might become gay.
Someone once asked me any chance of becoming gay, and I gave no straight away.
Now? I say no at 10% significance level.
WTF!
What happened??? I have no idea.
It's just a feeling.
My voice is not low enough, the way I talk is becoming more sissy.

Fuck, and I'm swearing more than usual.
It's because I'M SCARED I BECOME GAY!!!
FUCK, STOP. I KNOW WHAT YOU'ER THINKING.
I AM HETEROSEXUAL.

Yup, now the second thing: I think I can get over this thing already.
Suddenly, I am feeling that way currently.
It's a good feeling, because I've always thought I can never get over this.
I know this is not going to change anything in the near future, but the knowledge that it wouldn't be forever comforted me.
I'll try, ok?
So it's goodbye huh?
It's time I start moving on again; I'm stuck here for over a year.

I'm looking forward to NS life.
Let that be a brand new start, leaving behind everything sad to SAJC.

Fuck. Why is it always the guy the sentimental party, the gal the pragmatic one?
That is what I totally believe in. Well, I'm just commenting on shouzhen's blog entry mentioning the man is more sentimental than woman.
Can anyone show me a counter example?
I don't like girls for that. A A A, STOP.
I MUST STRESS THIS: I WAS, AM, AND WILL STILL BE HETEROSEXUAL.

I want to go back to the old liang mong if possible.
I prefer to be the perfectionist virgo.
It seems like I lost my virgo traits.
Goddess Astraes, bring me back to you leh.

Can't Sleep

2006-11-01T23:55:00.000+08:00

Now, if I can't get to sleep, whose fault is it?
I think I'm screwed for GP because I didn't practise AQ which I always do badly in.
I tried sleeping, tossed for 90minutes before finally sitting in front of the computer.
Everybody is sleeping or trying to sleep now.
What should I do???

I went museum on Tuesday.

itsallgonnabeokay,ihope

2006-10-28T04:48:00.000+08:00

Yup, I'm feeling kind of fud-dup.
It's not exams, it's not really anybody.
It's probably just me.

Why did I turn out to be like this?
I wish things can be different.
But you know what?
"You might think I'm happy,
But I'm not gonna be okay."

"LM: Tell me you've been there and came back, ..."
Kind of getting sick of myself. (LOL, yeah)
Quit complaining.
Maybe I ought to come to light that there are many much more unfortunate people out in other parts of this world we live in.

Haha, I just deleted a chunk of what I typed.
But then it's ok. I've achieved my aim; I feel better already but still, I know

Nothing compares

enneagramtest

2006-10-18T16:28:00.000+08:00

the Romantic
Thanks for taking the test !

you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR.

"I am unique"

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a Four

my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
my ability to establish warm connections with people
admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
being unique and being seen as unique by others
having aesthetic sensibilities
being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four

experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
feeling guilty when I disappoint people
feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
expecting too much from myself and life
fearing being abandoned
obsessing over resentments
longing for what I don't have

Fours as Children Often

have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s
are very sensitive
feel that they don't fit in
believe they are missing something that other people have
attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Fours as Parents

help their children become who they really are
support their children's creativity and originality
are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You liked the test? so please don't forget to RATE it...
but remember! it had only two questions!!! ;-)

you wanna know MORE?
so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type...

...even more you'll find in Google

or do you prefer to

You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose BY

Would you rather have chosen:

AY (EIGHT)

CY (SIX)

BX (NINE)

BZ (FIVE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on ABC

You scored higher than 99% on XYZ

Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Chanced upon this word "Enneagram", so I decided to do the test.
I did another one I found on Google Search before this, and I got the same result.
So it is quite true, though I know since there's only 2 questions, standard deviation is big. Still, pretty cool.
LOL. I have no idea what's with the higher than 99% on the questions.
Are there rights and wrongs in personality tests?
But 99% is damn zai. I LIKE =)

pigging

2006-10-18T02:22:00.000+08:00

No, I'm not blocked.
But I always wonder whether those words were refering to me.
Luckily I can't get to sleep.
But then I've come to realise part of the reasons why I stay up through the nights:
I'm waiting for a call, a sms or anything that I don't want to miss.

I love brown, if you haven't realise.
I ought to do abit of work, but then...

Going roy's tomorrow.
I can't wait, all the food!
YES!
I'm going to buy Twisties salmon teriyaki. I hope I wouldn't be disappointed.
When there's lots of food, I can sleep like a pig =D

studies is coming up

2006-10-17T00:17:00.000+08:00

16 days left.
I'm electrifrying super duper holy ultra shittified screwed.
There're no problems at all, except one.
I am not putting much priority into it.
Why? I have no idea.

I have a feeling I'm being blocked on msn.
I hope I wouldn't get to know, if that's the truth.
Please don't tell me, I will not ask.

I'm off to bed now. Today isn't too productive, but I managed to "sprint" twice for short periods. That's not bad, but tomorrow will be better.
Woodlands Library, here I come.

3spades

2006-10-16T00:12:00.000+08:00

So maybe all I'll get is lots of people thinking I'm strange, or crazy.
But I know better.
Do I resemble "The Fool" is the tarot cards?
He who people mock and scold, and he who detached himself from the rest.
Maybe not. I prefer something like "Death".
To die. To change.
Even strangers I never seen scold me:

"What a great idea!
You just take your marbles and go home!
That'll fix them and make you happy!!!!!!!!!!"

So tired of this shit, but you think I can stop?
Half of it is I don't wish to stop.
The other half is I can't.
In case you start to wonder, I think I'm still sane.
Isn't it going to be better if I die now, than to live on like this?
It depends on how optimistic you are, and how you take actions to change your life, right?
HA, I just had a thought.
Will I go insane by thinking too much?
You know, maybe depression or split personalities?
Am I thinking too much to trouble myself?
Definitely yes. So I should stop thinking but work.

I CONFIRM WOULDN'T GO COMMIT SUICIDE.
People shouldn't be afraid to think about death.

I believe the "Three Of Swords" depicts how I feel all this while.
At least in my deck it does.

Wereman

2006-10-15T17:48:00.000+08:00

Today, I spent an unproductive day in Toa Payoh Library, and I was reminded about some stuffs I don't like to talk about.

I just thought, what if the salvation never comes?
Am I going to die this way?
I half hoped I will die before salvation comes, at least that sounds hopeful.
But if it is never to come??? That there is no salvation at all?
I am afraid that I will be sitting around in the airport talking to random strangers in future.
I am afraid I'll be calling chat-lines to talk to people in future.
I am afraid all I'm doing will never appreciated or even noticed.

Oh, I see that I've been indulging in self-sympathy again.
Get a life, Liang Mong.
It's true: You sux.
I'm starting to fucking hate myself.
And I don't miss Potong Pasir at all.
It's Malan Road.

Tomorrow will be productive, I promise =(

studyseemsfun

2006-10-15T01:24:00.000+08:00

I've been hardworking for the past 2 days.
Met Alvin and Roy to study overnight at airport.
Then I went studying with MingBang and Issac at Woodlands Regional Library, after sleeping for a few hours at home.
Didn't feel too tired actually, but peng after I returned home. =)
so now I'm with drive to work again, but home is full of distractions.
YES, blogging is one of them. =(

I am going to the Singapore Art Museum one of these days. =)
Alone, I guess.
LOL. Can I say I'm pretty excited about the trip?
Now I ought to pick a date for this. Maybe something like a treat to myself after studying alot.

The First Cut Is The Deepest - Sheryl Crow
"I would have given you all of my heart
but there's someone who's torn it apart
and she's taking almost all that I've got
but if you want, I'll try to love again
baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
'cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst
but when it comes to being loved she's first
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

I still want you by my side
just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
cause I'm sure gonna give you a try
and if you want, I'll try to love again
but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest

Cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed
when it comes to lovin' me she's worst
but when it comes to being loved she's first
that's how I know

The first cut is the deepest, baby I know
The first cut is the deepest"

untitled

2006-10-13T00:33:00.000+08:00

"Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough."
Isn't that sad to know?
I like this song: "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough" by Patty Smyth.
But Dupree said this: Love is enough. It must be enough.

You know what? Actually, I prefer You, Me, and Dupree to other flicks like xMEN, spiderMAN, superMAN, etcMAN...

Me?
I think love can be very powerful and steadfast.
Powerful to change alot, steadfast in its flow.
But it depends on the "love" itself.
You can love doing an activity, you can love a food, you can love a sibling, you can love a friend, you can love a lover, you can love many people as a general.
So they say God loves everybody.
Have you ever loved a stranger?

My Day Is Made

2006-10-12T19:02:00.000+08:00

Ok, so tired.
I wonder if it was the right thing to do.
Well, but if I didn't, I'll regret it anyway.
Obviously it is a common and right thing to do!
Ok, yeah. Maybe I'm just reading too much into my actions.
Just follow your heart. =)
Don't read too much into my actions? Sometimes I do things on impulse.

Oh, and I did "it" finally!
YEAH!
But it's definitely not impulse; been thinking about it long enough.
It's disappointing, but then I'm glad at least I've tried.
Disappointed but not hopeless.
SHI1 WANG4 DAN4 BU4 JUE2 WANG4.
Maybe one day... =)

OH! Haha, I can still feel adrenaline occasionally passing through me.
Pretty insane of me, to do that.
But well done, cause it's another barrier broken.
Well, I know if nothing happens, nothing happens.
I'll wait.

WELL WELL, EVERYTHING ELSE ASIDE, studies now comes into top top top priority.
It's time. I really cannot stand it when I'm still half-hearted at this moment.
Go for it, Liang Mong.

On a rather sad note, I have no wish to explain myself actually.
But it just bugs me alittle.
No, I do not like being in this arguement with you,
but I feel that I'M TOTALLY IN NO WRONG AT ALL.
Rather, abit hurt. Not enough to make me stop.
I am invincible! HA!

soitstimetosaygoodbye

2006-10-11T19:41:00.000+08:00

=)

I'm feeling abit emotional, as i keep trying to get words out.
Well, goodbye.

Do You Know?
People who don't know me, obviously don't know me.

-

2006-10-11T01:38:00.000+08:00

I got something very pressing I need to get out,
but I cannot say it here, lest he sees.
Haha.
No prize guessing my mood.

I think I died in my dream

2006-10-09T22:49:00.000+08:00

I just had a strange dream.
I was going to a familiar but forgotten place in my dream.
I remembered a bus-stop in the middle of a deserted urban area, a building which is my destination.
I cannot remember why I'm going there, but it might have something to do with me going into NS soon.
But if it's Beach Road, I would take MRT to Lavender, if it's Ang Moh Quee Camp, I would take MRT to Yio Chu Kang instead.
One face of a secondary 2 classmate comes into my mind, but I don't know why.

Ok, what happened was I seemed to be looking for something in the building, but didn't find, I guess.
I remembered a crazy lift, which spiralled half a revolution as it reaches the end.
When I was going home, since it's getting dark, I met Rickson and "Shao Ye".
They were playing some kind war game with sweets??
Rickson inserted some bits of sweets into a container and something else, throw the container over to approaching people, and the container exploded, raining sweet over them. (HEYY, IT'S A DREAM. DON'T ASK HOW IT HAPPENED.)
I wanted to join in, but it's getting late, so I said bye to them.
I think I saw abit of Ming Wei.

Er.. Then my dream got more vague as I was reaching consciousness.
I lost my way home, and it was some mountainous area.
I think I got killed in my dream, but I don't know how.
The getting home part was getting abit of a horror flick, as the sky got dark.
I was then at home again, because my spirit returned home.
But I also remember I wanted to go back to sleep to take the bus back home.
Maybe I did went back to the dream, maybe not.
Son after I woke up.
Isn't it very weird?

Weird dream, familiar faces and buildings.
I seem to have forgotten what's the building, the bus-stop in my memory.
But it does seems that I died in my dream.
Thought about my dream, and I figured it was probably because I'm thinking about going NS, and that linked to Rickson and gang, the place I wanted to go, and me dying.
Ok, thanks for listening to this cock-and-bull story.

25

2006-10-07T23:20:00.000+08:00

Abit of a sudden, but im going into study retreat.
It's about time I start, been missing out alot of school and studies.
its almost 25days left.

Twenty-five, twenty-five,
Time to say byebye.
No games and fun, I'll cry,
But it'll soon be alright.
After this trying time,
Then we'll play again.

backtosch

2006-10-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

Just now, I had a dream.
I dreamt that I went to school, expect that it isn't really SAJC,
I remembered there is an indoor neball court, which I've seen in AJC before.
So it's kinda weird. That's dream for you, things you've encountered come together in a mix-mash.
There are people in my dream, but I only remembered one after I woke up.
Another thing is Ms Chan tried calling me while I was sleeping, and gave me a sms.
Turns out to be telling me about FM mock tests.
So I'll really be going to school on Tuesday and Wednesday.
Hooray! I'm going to school!
No sabosingh and silas, please?

I heard men have smaller brain than women.
Well, ok. I can accept that as a fact. Men and women DO think differently.
Haha, but guess what???
According to BBC, men are clever than women!
check this out, it's BBC.

randommessageinbottle

2006-10-06T10:20:00.000+08:00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
but then I know she called you back, realizing her hasty mistake, did you go?
CC mich.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

27

2006-10-06T09:49:00.000+08:00

Sian. I just threw a small tantrum.
Seriously, since yesterday I've declared I do not wish to eat anything for lunch.
Staying up the whole night makes me lose my appetitte.
I already do not feel like eating lunch since yesterday and I've declared my stand.
But it's damn irritating of her to bug me to accept whatever they're planned for me.
What's more frustrating is that when you're eating Kway Tiao, you always ended up getting nothing on the other end of the chopsticks, simply because they always slip off.
=(
Irritating. Lack of sleep already gave me a bad temper, and I'm to cope with all the insignificant rubbish life throws at me.
To hell with my socks.

Anyway, twisties is now available in salmon teriyaki!!!
haha. If you've never tried that flavour, you ought to.
I've happened to tried some salmon teriyaki flavour chips before, and I dare say it's a fantastic flavour.
I simply hate stupid flavours like beer?(=x), pepper, and prawn, etc.
Lousy.
You confirm wouldn't regret trying salmon teriyaki.

I feel like eating a tub of ice cream, but it's frigging expensive.

I want to have a good brain that can make me concentrate and absorb effectively.
I'm not going for ABB or AAB.
BBB will make me cry.
I hope all distractions such as ~~blogging~~, oceangram, yuri's revenge, msn, songs, etc. ALL GO AWAY for the next 45 days.
No, sorry, do not feel relieved about the number.
It's a frigging 27 more days to GP.

27.

im hungry =(

holidaymood

2006-10-03T23:11:00.000+08:00

too many distractions, too much time left.
too little studying.
bottles after bottles...
oceangram is fun!
i wonder why most people couldn't agree with me.
maybe it's just me. ohwell.
just keep the page on, turn on the horn sound, and you can go do other stuffs while you wait for a random message in bottle to reach you.

i need to play yuri's revenge again.
damn hard to play lor, they always gank you wan.. hate skirmish.
and then yuri damn damn cheat. hate yuri.

i think the colour theme is making it hard for people to see. lol.
to me, its perfectly ok and nice.
i think that's more important than anything else.

oceangramiscool

2006-10-02T20:26:00.000+08:00

oceangram
veri cool. i love this.
meaningful and random.
as much as i like postsecret.
open the page and wait for a message in bottle to arrive.. it takes about 2 minutes after the light tower starts flashing. well worth the wait, its fun to type something random to random people.
way cool. love it.
try it. =)

cathighforever

2006-10-02T03:27:00.000+08:00

love this video.
thanks for spreading the love,
especially when we live in a world today full of lies and pains.
anybody out there suffering in pain emotionally, physically, mentally, i hope you feel better after watching this.

more emo stuffs: read this i found in my catholic high yearbook 04.

"Consider this not a time for goodbye,
It's really a new beginning
An opportunity to grow awaits
To all whose spirit are willing;
Be resolute and brave of heart,
For challenges you'll encounter
But obstacles you overcome
Will only make you stronger.
Nuture in yourself a caring soul,
A total human be;
In a world of vice and hypocrisy,
Retain your honesty.
Remember what you've freely gained,
That, once, someone did pay heed;
So freely serve the weak and meek
Who're wanting and in need.
These meagre lines are all I have
My intentions to convey;
With faith, and hope, and love for all
Go forth and seize the day.
-your form teacher t.g."

isn't that very very nice?
well, too bad he isn't my form teacher.
Hail terence goh, a teacher we all respect.
he's the one teacher who stay back till 9, 10pm everyday for a few months before the O' levels.
He never leaves school earlier than me.
Nope, i've stayed back till 9 before.
A serious teacher who believes in diligence,
that almost everybody is afraid of and respect.
It isn not uncommon to hear him shouting at students outside the staff room.
A teacher who takes no shit, but genuninely cares for all students.
(shit, i feel like crying...)
I miss all the good teachers in Catholic High.
My roots are in cat high.
I'm proud to be from catholic high batch 00-04.

coollinks

2006-10-02T00:54:00.000+08:00

parachute retrospect
I LIKE!
lol, simple game, alittle bloody. damn fun.
u drop stickmen from a chopper, and try to land them on trucks loaded with cotton/hay.
then as you progress, there are more obstacles to stop you, e.g. missile launcher, laser beam,spikes on ground, grinder, UFO???, and trucks with spikes... LOL. fun.

hitchhiker game
hmm.. kinda like adventure, but abit sian.
need to type things like "get up"(from bed), "ask prosser", etc.
i keep on restarting.

girl's stuff =)
seriously guys wouldn't be interested. HEY, I'M NOT.
don't give me that look. I'M STRAIGHT! well, so you pass this site to your female friends??? i got none, you see. =( haha.
appreciate it.

eight

2006-10-01T05:10:00.000+08:00

too many thing left unsaid.
sometimes, i dread being rejected.
am i too passive for my own good?

no doubt things happened, people changed, time passed.
but what remains unchanged seems to be the source that projects all the changes around it.

Imagine Sun remaining stationary in its position.
Because of the Sun, the other 9 8 planets experience change in their velocity, thereby creating their orbitual paths.

this core that remains unchanged is what fuels the change in me.

1st oct means no more playing. =(
i've said goodbye to school sooner than i've expected.
things left not done, and said.

pat

2006-10-01T01:25:00.000+08:00

hmm... keeping this secret in me is unbearable...
i think i shall tell you.

ShHH...
not so loud.

sorry, pat, i'm going to give away your BIG secret...
...

so, actually, here it goes....

sorry, pat...
...

ohno, i know you're going WTF-ing, but i just can't keep it inside me anymore.

moody

2006-09-30T21:04:00.000+08:00

you know, actually i keep having the itch to go create a friendster account.
nevermind, its just an itch.
i know i don't need it.

my productivity is like 10% now..
it's about 30 more days to A lvls.
=(

no more studying in school, all cause of sabosingh and silas.
ask them screw each other in the @55.

ARGH! maybe you should get lost.
im feeling moody.
what to cheer me up???
hmm... no idea.
and its been a long time since i've seen sandking.

no, i'm not missing dotA.
A lvls come priority.
let's go play Yuri's Revenge instead! =p
cya.

scrwed

2006-09-27T19:51:00.000+08:00

seriously i dunno wat's wrong with mi.
bad things always go in pairs huh???

in less than 14hrs, i got into trouble twice with sabo singh.
SIGH...
sian.
its alright tat i overslpt on the bus for 2 stops.
its realli ok.
i discovered a veri nice kallang east swimming complex.
its windy, small, not crowded at all.
its like a serene spot nobody knows, and its onli 2 stops away from sch.
how nice it will be to go swim there..
oh, sorry for digressing.
ya, its ok tat i overslpt for 2 stops.
but y muz i get into trouble with sabo singh AGAIN?
i was jus trying to go sch!
SEE, SO HARDWORKING LIANG MONG! I SO NICE, THEY ALL SO BAD!
if i like, i can jus dun go sch at all!
like im gonna do tomolo.

kao, i will run at the sight of sabo singh now.
any blue colour tops at the corner of my eyes gets mi jumping.
im gonna hide away from him for a while..
at least until next monday.

ohya, it slipped my mind before, but i rmb now..
i wanted to say tat i think all the school care-takers or discipline master/mistress went some ninja course. they always manage to sneak up on u when ur doing something bad or trying to do something bad. like how i got caught trying to bluff my way into sch today. =(
jus like how mrs. flinch in harry potter always manage to get to the spot of any mischief the veri next moment. they're damn freaking scary.
stay away from me, sabo singh.
i swear i will run.

today's phy mock was ok.
better than prelims.
er.. sorry roland, im not gonna get B.
IM GETTING NOTHING LESS THAN A FOR ALL 3 SUBJS.

nomorenegativethoughts

2006-09-26T23:08:00.000+08:00

i think its perfectly ok to break rules, provided u got a reason.
today while climbing out of the sch gate at the SAS bridge, i got caught by sabo singh.
ohwell, ahha.
sian. wanted to run, but ya la.. andy and jeremy didn run, so...
haha, but nvm, dun think he will do anything abt our names.
=p

talking abt it later, i realised i haven go DC while my days here in SA.
hmm... man, tats 1 less memory for mi. =(

ELM: GO TO HELL LA, WHO THE FUCK WAN TO GO CLEAN CARS FOR TEACHERS!?

lol, sometimes i think im making myself a more introvert by giving myself negative thoughts, feedback, and scolding myself. kinda makes mi hold back in watever i do.
tat shld not b the case. i can do anything i set out to achieve.

ELM: sneers* yeah, rite...

the rebirth of liangmong

2006-09-25T23:13:00.000+08:00

hmm.. reading my last post, and thinking much more, mayb im wrong.
i enjoyed going sentosa becos of the company too.
if its jus mi alone, do u think i'll b as happy?
no.

ok, the above para is mi toking to myself.
i feel like jus separating mi into 2 parts on this blog, where one is the ELM(evil liang mong), the other is 20¢ or jus lm.
so i can be evil and good again without reserve. kinda more fun tokin to myself this way.
haha, OH NO! i think im getting an imaginary friend.
i tot onli little children do tat!!!
LOL, childish liang mong. CLM.
ELM: lame shit (-_-")

check this out:

does it reminds u of anything or anybody?
it does for mi! =D

samesideofthemoon

2006-09-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

today i went sentosa.
pretty nice, is shld say.
well, i enjoyed myself.
and i find myself comfortable being left alone actualli.
hmm.. its like good cos im confortable even without ppl arnd mi,
but bad becos im not realli veri frenly.

u noe, there is alot of ppl who jus cant be without company.
for mi, if i cant have that somebody, the rest dun matter to mi.
tat's y i think its good to appreciate solitary.
i dun wan to b too dependent on 1 person, and if that 1 person is gone, im lost.
oh no, sorry im not gonna b like tat.

but i still find today fun actualli.
like the cool effect of the wax museum show, hologram plus smoke rings tat comes into ur face. damn cool la!
er.. then got sentosa luge which is ok, quite fun, but not damn fun or exciting.
the skyride is much scarier! WAhaha. i had to talk and swing my legs to make myself calm down!
merlion is nothing much, but its veri windy up there, and we tot we saw a pair of coin-paid binoculars, turns out we're wrong.
luckily i didnt go try to see into the thing.
cos it was damn hilarious and embarrassing. its a camera, i think.
the merlion show is stupid.
but when i see the cloud with his menacing teeth, i burst out laughing cos i think its veri cute and funny.
and the merlion in the show suxs, cos its more like a clown.
orange, red, and green dun go tgt.
bleh.
fort siloso is damn boring. but the souvenior (idunnohowtospell) shop is interesting, sells army stuffs, and toys.
merlion souvenior shop is nice, i feel like getting the candle in tiny glass, which i think is cute and nice.
but gers' opinions say otherwise.

i feel like writing a card.
before school ends, and i go NS, and prolly wun see alot of ppl much again.

anyway, today my bro went overseas to UK for his studies.
jus sent him off at the airport.
hmm.. well, its jus during the hug tat my mom frst broke into tears, then my grandma, my er shen, then my sis, followed by my da yi.
hmm.. ok. o.0
well, take it easy ok. its jus seeing less of him. as if u wanted to see him everyday. now tat he's going off, ahh.. cry.
ok. dun be sad lor. i noe he will b having a great time there.
the new culture, new environment.
pretty cool to study in a foreign country isn't it?
if i ever get to go, i will tell them to be happy for mi.
ohwell, as if i can get to go.
no scholarship for mi! =(

ohYA!
i almost forgot. i wanted to say abt how my father usualli dun say much, but while he's driving to the airport, he was talking almost non-stop.
nagging and nagging. ya lor, but tats how he show his concern.
Ask him pray to god la, anything happen go to who la, watsoever.
jus tot its pretty emotional nite, when someone u noe for a long time is leaving to a place so far away.
but its ok, i envy him actualli.
im jus not smart and diligent enuff.

my bro leaving reminds mi of the song "same side of the moon" by corrinne may.

oh, i think its veri wrong to go to sentosa without going to the beach.

moiday

2006-09-21T16:16:00.000+08:00

today is rather a happy day for mi.
wat goes down muz come up too!
hehe.
thanks for making my day.
u noe its u.
it actualli fits.
i tot otherwise intially cos itsssss.. yeah.

hmm...
then there's this stupid thing tat bugs mi.
i wan to call it a fly.
cos it buzzs arnd mi, irritates the hell outta mi.
i can be nice and shoo it off.
but if it keeps coming back..
grrr...
haha, u noe tat feeling.
why don't you jus go away.
cos i wun be nice anymore.

louuuuuuusy la

2006-09-20T23:00:00.000+08:00

i got 57 for maths and 60 for phy.
C wasn't out of my expectation, but low C is not.
guess i was hoping for some extreme good luck to happen to mi, and hopefully i can get B.
WRONG, MONG!
i hate u.
thinking luck will somehow get u there.
dun put ur trust in the unknown.
u need to work alot harder, i can say.
fug.
2Cs are sad.
i was aiming BBC before prelims, BCD after prelims.
but now its prolly CCE.
AARGHHHHHHH
u sux.

actualli cant decide whether to go sch tomolo,
but stupid admin stuffs are there to handle.
i hate sch.
i hate facing anybody, everybody.
i've not done well.
i feel like a loser.
i jus wanna do nothing for another one more day, and another, and another. and another...
until i finalli decided to get going in life.

i played bball today.
didn go sch today.
get bad news today.
slp thr the afternoon.
cut hair today.
mayb i shld drink today.

somehow i was always kinda afraid of the day 21st sep.
its like suddenly the spotlight is on u, and ppl focus their attention on u.
no im not keen for tat.
its almost like being asked to go up on a stage.
not everybody likes it.

Alt+1+F4

2006-09-20T02:54:00.000+08:00

dear blog,
i think i put more feelings into u than any other ppl. except
do u noe how much u mean to mi???
mayb i dun tell u alot.
but i think u understand mi inside out.
so i believe not much words shld b passed between us.
ur like my chu qi tong, throw tantrums at u.
whenever i feel down, i wail to u,
i give my bad attitude to u.
somehow i think it makes mi feel better a little.

but then, its also like talking to myself,
which i already do frequently.
guess i just prefer talking to myself! lol.
im sick of facing ppl. i rather face books.
but for now, i want to face my prelims results most.
BUT im not going sch, m i? its 3am now.
anyway, if ur reading this, get lost,
this is not for u, its for myself and my blog.
actualli nothing i type here in this whole blog is impt.
its all mi and myself having a conversation to myself.

i nv intend to blog in order to entertain ppl.
onli myself. one cool trick: press Alt+1+F4

down

2006-09-20T02:24:00.000+08:00

i feel so damn bloody f-up tat the string broke..
y m i so stupid?

blame liangmong and no one else.
and i got a mark for my stupidity.
dumb u.

haiz. serious so sian diao tat i dun wanna bother it liao.
damn. isn't studying much more fulfilling???
all other stuffs shld go die.
including go sch.
go sch not equals studying.
i jus caome online at 2am.
u think im goin sch?
let mi think abt it.
im feeling damn low.
for watever reason.
prelims are over, aren't they?
i wanna play bball and run and gym.
or mayb i shld jus slp for a whole day.

sometimes i feel like doing tat, lying on my bed for a whole day.
i think abt alot of things.
and i oso wonder wats happening outside this quiet peaceful room free from any external influences.
sometimes i jus wonder abt the stupidiest things.
daydreaming??? tats not good.

i shld go slp.

watgoesupmuzcomedownla!

2006-09-19T20:01:00.000+08:00

hmm.. sometimes i feel lonely.
sometimes i feel insecure.
i think today is such a day.

i feel lonely becos nobody will understand how i feel except mi alone.
insecure cos im paranoid of everybody arnd mi.
i always feel tat im like a castle.
and ppl arnd mi are tryin to take mi down.

after dotA game feel so lifeless.
kinda sux.
mayb i lost too much???
or mayb i played too long.
ended up tired, broke, bored and empty.
ya, tats the word: empty.
not pocket empty, but brain empty.
cant rmb wat exactly did i do for the last few hrs of gaming.
today, its 6hrs.
like suddenly my day is gone before i knew it.
hmm..
this suxs.

ohya, the more i feel insecure, the more i try to protect myself by keeping things to myself.
but somehow i know im feeling worse.

prelimsareover

2006-09-19T00:30:00.000+08:00

oh my com crashed.
but im veri happy prelims are over.
haven been happy since a long time.
=D

7 up bite is not as good.
but its ok.

playin dotA tomolo.
=)
finalli, since 20th july.

relax and play 1 wk frst.
get guitar string.
change blog skin.
cut hair.
shld i go sch???

freakedout

2006-09-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

theres onli 1 reason y im bloggin AGAIN.

IM SCARED!!!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFmaths!!!
mechaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanicsssssss
isssssssssssss

VERIIIIIIII VERIIIIIIIIIIIIIII VERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
VERI VERI VERI VEIR VEIR VEIR VEIR VERI VERIV ERI VERI HARD!

somebody kill mi pls. sick and brainless mi.

recurrance

2006-09-17T22:09:00.000+08:00

well, being sick suxs.
my hours are up.
im screwed.
no more time to study.
wasted day.
=(
still using com now, u see.
screwed.
and my brain was fried since yest.
cant tihnk str.
keep lookin at answers.

ok. i need alot of rest and revision tomolo.
well, now i noe its true.
when ur parents taught u abt money stuff.

jiang qian shang gan qing.
dun ever borrow from ur fren.
its true. =(

mecha is veri scary.
veri hard but marks so little. =(
stats can tweak and confuse u..
they can have stuffs like a string of exponential distri. ,
relating binomial and exponential distri. ,
exponential approx. to normal!
Fu*k! WA!

pray tomolo paper will b easy.
i did quite alot. like 3,4 papers for fm.
tats the same amount i did for either of phy paper 2 and 3.
but i did fm within 3 days.
ohno, haven learn recurrance formula.. =(

DAMNIT, I REALISED I ONLI DID 2 PAPER2S FOR FM ACTUALLI. =(

slpinpost

2006-09-17T06:46:00.000+08:00

my mind is alr not workin str.
but i cont. anyway.
illness and weariness cant stop my enthusiasm.
but now, i think i shld go slp, so tat i can b more productive later.
rmb not to slp too much. mayb 6 hrs. mayb 5.

im freakin stupid.
every qn need to refer to solution.
every. i mean it.
screw mi upside down.
plan and produce, liangmong.
off to slp.
cya.

OMG!!!
"STATS" happened to be a palindrome.
how cool! LOL. bonkers mong? GO SLP. yesyes. okok.

pressinon

2006-09-17T01:40:00.000+08:00

i'ev been down with cold since after i walked in the rain on fri.
things dun go as planned always. but its ok.
lots of time wasted, slpin, paracetamols been bugging mi.
but on the otehr side, im sure i did learnt and revised my stuffs, rite?
yup!

ok. went alvin's church today.
actualli jus a chapel, and they got a fridge there! lol. ok.
dun mind goin church actualli.
i actualli jus wanna noe y do ppl go church, wats keepin them goin beck.
mayb 1day i mayb b like them too.
i dunno.
i've chosen to believe in myself.
mayb cos i dread knowing im not almighty.
isn't it scary, to know u might not b in control of ur life?
and isn't it more wonderful to think that u can achieve anything u set out to achieve?
that is, if u realli believe in urself.

belief is of utmost importance. =)
ohno, i keep distractin myself. im supposed to b mugging. pressin on...
pressing on. =)

fm-pressingon

2006-09-15T12:50:00.000+08:00

ok. fm was ok.
better than maths.
i didn get the feeling of being owned.
guess it muz b cos i got ambushed by maths paper.
this was better.
fm was like direct combat.
i felt like i put on a good fight.
considering the last min mugging effort i put in.
jus tat i failed to rmb formula for P.I.
the other formulaes came to prove useful. =)
its good mugging yest.
pretty satisified lor. but can b much better.
esp matrices.

ok. now to stats and mecha!
=D
i got abt 36hrs of pure mugging time to the papers, if i fully utilise time.
plan plan plan.

usualli i aint at home at this time: 12.49pm
in fact i haven reach home b4 8pm for a long time.
ya.. felt tat my time not realli veri productive for the last 2 months.
im worried, wat i cant achieve in 50over days, i intend to do so in 1month.

ya, i quited dotA over 50 days ago, but my results still like SHIT.
wtf haf i been doing?
i noe im not smart, but somehow i keep thinking i can do this last min.
can i?

I CAN DO WATEVER I SET TO ACHIEVE.

belief is of utmost importance.

2006-09-13T20:33:00.000+08:00

lost.
i lost.
maths paper2 ownage.
i hate u, c**b*e.

there's one word on my mind now: mug.
i'll show u, fm.

WATCH ME.

iruleIMF

2006-09-12T23:27:00.000+08:00

today on my way to sch, i met a beggar.
the first thing he did when he saw mi approaching was he kneel down in front of mi.
wow, strong atk.
frst move alr own mi.
taken by surprise, but did not give in.
well, of cos, if its jus 50cents, who noes, i might save his life rite?
but i rather not than to get cheated.
becos i hate being cheated.
and i wan to protect myself. =)

heartless and evil? haha, i was feeling abit guilty abt it initially.
prolly abt 5 mins of my bus waiting time.
tats all.
get lost, beggar.
better still, get a job.
i dun believe ppl in spore can starve to death.
look at those ahmas living off unwanted drink cans or card-board boxes.
they survive.

hmm.. stayed back tho didn realli study but its ok.
jus think that realli enjoy the journey home.
think i go home 9pm nxt time.
the place even quieter, and nite darker, bus emptier.
jus that one physical constraint is hunger.
well, tats wats comin up for post a lvl mugging session.
PALMS??? lol, ok, PALMS, it shall be.
i've alr got a plan, tell u nxt time.

ate ice cream cone today again, gettin pretty sick of it.
bought 7-up bite.
hmm.. paper today is not easy for mi.
well, mayb a low B, else.. C lor.
maths tomolo, prolly B too.. see how. dun intend to study.
ARGH, fm comin up, IM FRIGGING SCREWED.
worst of the worst.

damn tempted to drink soft drinks.
NO, monday. monday confirm drink.
celebrate end of prelims.

feelin a little lost and helpless, but guess i shall look forward to tomolo.

career area:
SMU options: econs, business management, accountancy, information system management.

DAMNIT!
y m i not invited to IMF?
oh, im from spore alr rite? so i guess they can't invite mi to spore anymore, since im alr here.
ya, tat muz b it.
well, watch mi.
IMF.
bankers?
tats where i shall belong.
come 2016, i shall be attending big shots meeting, make financial decisions.

changing blog skin soon. mayb after prelims.

i will be fine, i will make it thr this.
life goes on. ppl grew out of their fears.
i will. my heart will grow stronger and stronger.
i will learn to protect myself.
i will FORCE myself nv to fall into the same trap again.
most of the time, i feel that i can't do this alone.
but then, somehow, lm, u gotta acknowledgenobody can help u.
help urself, be strong.

looking forward to A LVL.
bring it on.

amklib

2006-09-12T01:08:00.000+08:00

well, i dun like ppl gettin too close to mi.
so dun.
if i sms u, do ignore mi sometimes.
if u dun see mi arnd for some time, its ok.
i need my space and time alone.
no, slping is not counted.
its my belief, that ppl should ultimately trust themselves and not others.
i say this irregardless of how trustworthy one can be.
this is because ultimately, nobody can understand totally what ur thinking and what u feel. be it intentional or not, one will certainly do things that are viewed unacceptable, wrong, different from one's ideals.
therefore, by putting trust in that fren will cause one disappointment.
of course, it is prefectly ok to trust.
but do recognise the risk.
ohya, im not trustworthy, so dun expect too much frm mi.
tats all i got to say abt trust.

hmm.. today went studying with j ho.
divine intervention or not, happened to see a no. of cat high same batch peeps.
abt 10-14 in total.
all camping at amk lib.
actualli did 1 paper2 today. so proud of myself tat i sought out the curry puff stall finalli. tried once and is still nice.
and i ate mac ice cream cone too. haha, i deserve a treat for being hardworkin.
think tomolo i buy 1.5 coke lime. =D

guess im not realli prepared for a lvl.
my mentality isn't. i got 1 week to play, and after tat, 1 mth of mugging and its all over.
godamnit i still am not settled.
fuck u lm cb slacker.
aiya, damn it la!
f f f.

in the end, dun let urself down. rmb...
do watever it takes to achieve ur goal.
always rmb ur dream.
follow ur dream, go the extra mile.

nite view

2006-09-11T00:55:00.000+08:00

i wonder how it will b, years later as i look upon the same breath-taking nite view.
r they alr history by then?
wat memories do i haf of them?
who was i with?
how did i feel then?
do i wish to go back to then?
who do i first think of sharing this memory with?

u noe its u.

uniu

2006-09-10T00:48:00.000+08:00

im afraid tat it might b refering to mi.
ohwell, heck.

been readin up loads on military stuffs.
sliver wings are for army personale qualified to paratroop.
red berets refers to air-borne units.
there are several elites units in the US: the SEALs, Delta Forces, Rangers, etc.
Guards do things like fighting in urban built-up areas(FIBUA),
while commandos got unarmed combat.
guard will get to set mines, but not commandos.
while commandos get to sky-dive and paratroop, guards do helicopters operations.
commandos got snipers.
for more, check out mr. wiki

fuck. why??????
even after so long, i jus cant.
jus i wun understand ppl, nobody can understand mi.
fuck.

ever been hurt? felt like its ur fault for being stupid enuff to allow urself to get hurt?
told urself u will b careful and avoid gettin hurt, onli to end up repeatin the same thing over and over?

roy lent mi a pile of brochures and booklets on information of accountancy, university, progs, etc.

mayb if i am to die, it will b good.
wats the one person u wish to see on ur funeral?
sorry for having such morbid thoughts recently, but somehow i jus keep coming to it.
no, i wun do anything to hurt myself.
mayb its the pre-commando-trng-syndromes acting up.
i jus keep thinkin abt dying.
many a times, i feel like tell ppl arnd mi wat to do if i die.
but abstain from it anyway, cos i noe ppl are scared of such stuffs.
so i guess its ok to say it here rite?

if i die, i dun need ppl crying over mi, cos i wun appreciate it anyway.
i dun need ppl to miss mi.
i will wan to say sorry to all the pretty gers in the world: sorry i left u ppl 1 less choice to choose from.
i wan to say goodbye to all my probs, finally, for once, im relieved.
i wan her to know she's still the best thing tat has ever happened to mi.
u noe its u.

prelimsuxxxxxxxxx

2006-09-08T00:46:00.000+08:00

i jus took off his coat of strings, and stuffed my whole fist into his hole.
ya...
if he could scream, he prolly might b doing exactly tat.
but then he's my guitar. so its ok.
ya, took off his strings tho i nv buy new wans.
will replace them after prelims. shall go buy after prelims. so its no more guitar until after prelims.
no vaccum cleaner so i jus try to clean the interior with a cloth..

after prelims, its drinking, guitar, bball, gym, running.
prelims sux. period.

and my studies r not doing well. seriously laggin, esp fm. screw!

my bleak future

2006-09-07T01:37:00.000+08:00

hi.
i am liang mong.
u can call mi BANKER mong.
tats rite.
i dun care.
tats my dream.
and i will stop at nothing to make it come true.

1 big part of my quest is to develope the out-going extrovert in mi.
i muz tok more, and open up more.
and the most essential ingredient i seek: courage.
and a sub-plan is to simultaneously conquer the shadow in my heart.

then i oso haf to cont to develope my hobbies and recreations, such as guitar, cards-playing, bball. and mayb learn soccer!

lastly is to train up on my stamina and to RE-learn swimming.
this phase will occur during the nov/dec hols.
and build-up during my commando trng.

i've been thinkin pretty much abt my bleak future, and mayb its time to get into action. i intend to do this by finding out more.
in the past, i haf no bloody idea wat i wanna b.
i once wanted to b a soldier when i was in k2,
a mathematician when i was in p2,
a scientist when i was in p4,
an entrepreur when i was in sec3/4,
an accountant when i was in j1,
and a banker when i was in j2, since march!

yes, im a maths person. i love maths. but being a mathematician and accountant doesnt suit mi.
i wan to b a banker. i wan to haf SOCIAL STATUS.
yes, i go for fame and money.
evil? shallow? watever.
i've got this dream of being rich when i grew up.
and i nv tot its impossible.
laugh all u wan in front of the computer.
1 thing i cant stand most is ppl lookin down on mi.
how can u do tat when i have even used 10% of my brain?

i need to consider more carefully.
i hope ricky gets back frm his study trip soon.
i need to ask him more abt jobs in finance sector.

my subjs options: econs, business, accounting, banking?, quantative finance
my uni options: SMU(SAT reqd), NUS(quantative finance), others(overseas???)

my bleak future isnt settled yet huh?
shit. now im thinkin whether banker is the right job for mi,
and wat exactly does a banker do? and wat kind of banker?
i think an investment banker is actualli a broker in layman's term.

compilation of my fav lyrics

2006-09-06T00:28:00.000+08:00

after yest nite's drama, i seem to find a veri good reason y i shld go commando.
rite now, i wan to build up my body, i wan to become strong, i wan to become a killing machine.
i dun wan anybody to think of mi as nothin, i dun wan ppl to push mi arnd.
I WAN PPL TO RESPECT ME.

veri good. at least im not goin thr commando jus becos 1 person thinks its cool.

i haven forgotten to blog. its jus tat i stopped myself frm bloggin little notes or impulsive tots. when i decided i've got enuff better stuffs to blog... here i am. =)

im pretty worried abt phy. i canNOT do like 80% of the qns.
and im spenting 4,5 hrs on each paper2.

in my quest, i've actualli long discovered a quality i lack most, and desire most: courage. where can i find it??? cos i desperately needs mi more than anything now.

another thing i need to take care of is the shadow in mi. but its damn damn damn hard. i almost give up trying. guess i'll let it b.

collection of my fav lyrics, in no order:

Fixing A Broken Heart - Indecent Obsession
there was nothing to say the day she left,
i just filled a suitcase full of regrets.
i hailed a taxi in the rain,
looking for some place to ease the pain.

You And I Both - Jason Mraz
and it's ok, if u ever go away.
ohh jus remember the telephone, well they're working in both ways.
but if i never ever hear them ring..
if nothing else i think the bells inside have finally found you someone else, and that's ok...
cos i'll remember everything you sang.

Here I Am - Air Supply
here i am, playing with those memories again.
and just when i thought time had set me free,
those thoughts of you keep taunting me..
~~holding you, a feeling i never out-grew,~~
though each and every part of me has tried,
only you can fill that space inside..
so there's no sense pretending,
my heart is not mending.
just when i thought i was over you,
and just when i thought i could stand on my own,
ohh baby those memories come crashing through,
and i just can't... go on without... you...
... ... ...
on my own, i've tried to make the best of it alone.
i've done everything i can ease the pain,
but only you can stop the rain.
i just cant live without you, i miss everything about you.
... ... ...
its just no good without... you...

Without You - Air Supply
well i can't forget this evening,
and your face when you're leaving..
but i guess that's the way the story goes.
you always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows,
yes it shows.

There'll Be Sad Songs - Billy Ocean
do you think of that someone,
when you hear that special melody?
i always stop and think of you especially
... ... ...
there'll be sad songs to make you cry,
love songs often do.

Desperado - The Eagles
don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
she'll beat you if she's able.
the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
now it seems to me some fine things,
have been laid upon your table,
but you only want the ones that you cant get.

Please Remember - Leann Rimes
goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say.

If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys
hand me the world on a silver platter..
and what good would it be?
no one to share,
no one who truely cares for me.

Because Of You -Kelly Clarkson
i've learnt the hard way, to never let it get that far...
because of you, i never stray too far from the sidewalk,
because of you, i learnt to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt.
because of you, i find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me.
because of you, i am afraid.
... ...
im forced to fake, a smile, a laugh, everyday of my life.
my heart can't possibly break, when it wasn't even whole to start with.
... ...
and now im crying in the middle of the night, for the same damn thing.
... ...
because of you, i try my hardest just to forget everything.
because of you, i don't know how to let anyone else in.
because of you, im ashamed of my life,
because it's empty.

25 Minutes - MLTR
against the wind,
im going home again.
wishing me back,
to the time when we were more than friends.

finally done, these r lyrics i like rather than parts of the songs i like.
rather diffcult to judge as after the first few songs, tend to wan to include everything.

stupid

2006-08-31T01:11:00.000+08:00

today didn stay back in sch to study.
in fact, i didn actualli study.
damn damn damn unproductive.
did i finish 1 qn?
mayb.. mayb not..

reach home use com, play digimon world 4.

is this called burnt out?
dun think so. im jus gonna revert back to old ways.
which is wrong!
oh NO! mong!
okok, tomolo.... phy paper2 ok?
=)

old cheese taste best

2006-08-28T22:33:00.000+08:00

if i say i onli wan my old cheese?

realised i like to msg ppl on my way home, at like 8 o'clock.
the way home is usualli veri nice.

windy, quiet, and solitary.
on the bus, if got seat best.
esp. those tat can let mi lie down and look at at the lamp posts as they past mi by.
somehow, i was reminded of the days i would slp at the back of the car on the way home.
lamp posts past mi by, i gazed at each as they do so.
i feel like i can stone this way for a long time.
its a feeling of going home.
after a long day...

somehow, the journey home always make mi think alot.
esp. abt yesterday rather than now or tomolo.

if i ever msg u something weird at arnd 1930 to 2100, its prolly my mood acting up.

there was nothing to say, the day she left.
i jus filled a suitccase full of regrets,
i hailed a taxi in the rain, lookin for some place to ease the pain..

lookatmi, uthinkicare?

2006-08-24T19:36:00.000+08:00

i got to noe more abt liang mong on my way home today.
haha, self discovery seems good.
at least im aware now.

abit disappointed abt the journey home becos my gut-feeling didn reap any rewards.
nvm ba. fate.

do u understand y ppl wan to hurt themselves?
i think i noe abit more than i did 24hrs ago.
pretty sad, isnt it?

nothing is ever gone for good
becos the human mind stores everything we experience, even in our slp.
and who noes, 1 day, the memories can jus come back.
haha, they can be haunting.
but u can say its over, when u can take it in ur strides, as if its nothing realli.
its not hard to judge. trust in urself.
u noe it urself when u cant get over it.
they haunt.

if u think time can fade things, ur wrong.
its abt how u treat things tat determine whether u've gotten over them.
its abt how u look at them.

haha, =D
isnt tat good to noe, tat ur in control.
im in control. guess i chose to do it this way.

ARgh, get lost.
i dun gif a DAMN abt u.
NOBODY is impt to mi.
except.

brown vw

2006-08-21T03:55:00.000+08:00

i jus came home frm msia.
i feel like crying, for watever reason, i haf no idea.
i jus felt sadness seeping into mi.
ohya, i wish i can see the world thr somebody's eyes. and i wish somebody can see the world thr mine.
dun ask mi, im not sure.
mayb i wan to explore another part of the world ive not seen.

anyway, its cool to travel.
its even more cool to haf $$.

ive decided a brown volkswagon is veri cool.

the way the story goes

2006-08-17T22:34:00.000+08:00

hmm...
on my way home today, this sajs boy jus came up to mi and asked mi wat bus im taking.
and tats how i chatted a little with him.
its pretty nice tho its for onli a few mins.
his innocence touched mi.
i can feel so much difference in our heart.

immediately after answering "966", i shot him directly in his face y is he talkin to mi, izzit need to borrow money. ya, cos i heard him askin his fren for 60cents before tat.

i feel pretty guilty. becos of my paranoidal heart, suspecting anybody to have a motive for coming into my life, and the potential for any single individual to hurt mi. becos this boy simply wants to talk to mi.

and tat made mi feel special.
but i also envy him for having such a pure heart.
my weary heart cant b compared to his.
i feel so sick of everybody arnd mi and most of the time, i jus wish everybody leave mi alone.

haha, ok check this out:

table of content for mong's heart
disappointment --------- pg2
love ------------------- pg55
empty space ------------ pg62
laughters -------------- pg98
conclusion ------------- pg100

all the talk abt being positive huh???
argh, crap. muz b all the studyin gettin to mi.

tat boy even gave mi a sweet. he dunno how he'd touched my heart, makin mi feel human again. even when im on the overhead bridge, he at the bus stop will give mi a big goodbye wave no one can miss.

pressing on, regardless wat. setting my 7 o'clock rule.
no going home till at least 7pm. mon to fri.
sat will b mugging day too, but till mayb 5 onli.
no more dotA, no more games, 2hrs tv max, everyday.
hmm, com, i shall set it soon. sorrry, shall still b bloggin. =P

yet again mi and my silly tots

2006-08-17T01:06:00.000+08:00

the chance i slipped yest, i gave up today.
im realli not attempting to conquer my fears.

today bus-to-sch's door spoilt. actualli i could haf pressed the red emergency button or remind the driver abt it.
but i jus let it be.
lettin it be, not takin any action, tats my deadspot.

in the book, it talks abt tryin to do as many uncomfortable things as possible.
the more fear u conquer, the better u are.
i fail to conquer my inner fear to speak up today.
i fail to conquer my inner fear to talk to ppl everyday.
but i gave myself an excuse. ive tasted disappointment.
mayb i ought to heal and barge into another pricky situation like a child, but having tasted pain, i dare not.
an innocent child will not let pain stop him. tats becos he nv experienced pain b4.

haha, im crippled by my fear.
balanar(dotA char)'s cripplig fear??